Funny Stories

Most Hilarious Quotes a Husband has been heard to say

Most Hilarious Quotes a Husband has been heard to sayMarriage can be one of the most challenging thing to partake in. Having to live with someone and make a life with them, seeing all the bad and going through all the rough. And to still choose to love them day in and day out, no matter how much the other person irritates and annoys you. Despite all of this, managing to still make the best out of this and create humor from it has got to be the funniest thing ever. You know what they say, to know someone truly, you must first know what his/her spouse says about him/her. Here are some hilarious quotes a husband has been heard to say:


On women and getting a husband..:

At first a woman doesn’t want anything but a husband, but just as soon as she gets one, she wants everything else in the world. -Elbert Hubbard

..And on keeping one:

To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job. -Simone de Beauvoir

On a woman’s beauty:

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.- Ambrose Bierce

A theory on how marriages fail:

All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. -Raymond Hull

On a wife who never lets him forget it:

Any married man should forget his mistakes – no use two people remembering the same thing.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

On lying:

Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie.

On being polite by letting his wife talk..:

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

..But not listening to her:

My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that’s what she said.

On why it’s called the opposite sex:

The reason they’re called the opposite sex is because every time you think you have your wife fooled – it’s just the opposite! -Walter Winchell

On chores:

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done. – Burt Reynolds

On being ignored:

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that, as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

On dealing with the hard and real stuff together:

When I got home last night my wife demanded that I ‘take her somewhere expensive’… I took her to a petrol station

On obligations and contracts:

My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage license.

And lastly, on loving their wives:

The ideal husband understands every word his wife doesn’t say. -Alfred Hitchcock

For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican overlooked. – Bill Cosby

Marriage is spending the rest of you life with someone you want to kill and not doing it because you’d miss them.

People stay married because they want to, not because the doors are locked. – Paul Newman



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