Everyone has that crazy uncle or drunk second cousin that you just have to invite to the wedding. And you know it’s coming. Halfway through dinner, there’s a raucous CLINK CLANK of glasses and the dreaded throat-clear before they say the worst possible thing they could say at a wedding. Here’s a handy guide of five things you should avoid to say to make sure you’re not that person.
- “Remember that night in college when you…”
Nothing good EVER comes after this string of words, especially at a wedding. This a major red flag that screams “I’m about to try to embarrass the life out of you” and at a wedding, the tears should be of joy, not of secondhand embarrassment. This goes for you, too, maids of honor and best men. It’s fun to tease and poke fun at the bride and groom during the toast, but remember – what you say then is going to be everywhere after the whole shindig is through.
- “Remember when we used to ____ ?”
DON’T BRING UP ANY HISTORY BETWEEN YOU AND THE BRIDE OR THE GROOM. Talk about inappropriate. Could you imagine your special day being marred by this repulsive image of your significant other and this other person doing something unspeakable. Don’t ever ever ever bring up a history you had with the bride or groom.
- “What an awesome bachelor(ette) party!”
You know the phrase “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”? Same thing goes for the bachelor/bachelorette party. Don’t be the jerk who brings up that one thing that the stripper did that turns this whole day sour. Unless, of course, it was super tame and G-rated. But be real, now.
- The Wedding Dress
Do not in any way, shape, or form make a comment about the bride’s wedding dress unless it is an overwhelmingly positive observation. This woman has spent months dreaming about wearing it. Months making sure it’ll fit on the big day. Don’t be the idiot who makes her feel like crap about it. Even more to the point, don’t comment on the bride’s figure, AT ALL. The only thing you should say to her is “You look beautiful!” as you get misty-eyed and give her a hug while you strategically avoid getting anything on the garment of the hour.
- “I object”
If you’re going to come to this wedding just to object to the union, you are literally the worst type of person. Keep your jealousy at home. All you have to do is RSVP “No” and you can avoid this whole debacle. And what’s worse, don’t come to the wedding to tell either the bride or groom that you still love them. Yes, I’m looking at you, Rachel Green. Don’t do anything to interrupt the ceremony or the joy that is the reception. Life isn’t some 90’s sitcom where being a drama queen gets you the man.
And there you have it. Now, have fun at the wedding and clink those glasses!